The choices we make

I had a rough day yesterday. It left me feeling emotionally exhausted and near tears as Duncan and I took our stroll around the neighborhood.

It took me most of the walk to figure it out, but walking is good for percolating thoughts and feelings to the surface and simmering them until they make sense.

Part of it has to do with Oscar, the 15-year-old feline diabetic, having a serious downturn in health. I’m waiting for a call from the vet with blood work results, which will hopefully tell us something. There was a visit to the emergency vet this weekend that I didn’t expect him to come home from.

The other part has to do with the job I left behind for this new job of work-at-home-mummy. There are a few things happening at my old department, which I’m freelancing for, that have been a bit tricky emotionally for me to deal with.

They’ve hired my replacement. He starts May 1 so I’ll give up my old office and sit wherever there’s room for me on Monday mornings when I go in.

They created a new position which I would have loved to have had while I was there. Manager of New Media. Me leaving got them to re-evaluate certain things and refocus some energy on the Web and developing the blog and future podcast. Which is really cool. And I’m thrilled they’re doing it. It’s just that the blog was my baby and, while I’m still involved in it, to a great extent I have to let it go. That was my intent all along, to have other people become invested in it. It’s just…now I have to let it go and that stuff is never easy.

I know I made the right decision for my family, and for me professionally. I know my PR/Web/commercial writing business will take off. I know all of that will ultimately give me more room for growth and job satisfaction. And money.

But it hit home that I’ve walked away from some cool things that are finally happening. Even though I take credit (or a large chunk of it) for those things happening in the first place, I’m not there in the thick of it now. Ironic, that.