Tag Archives: spinal fusion

All kinds of healing

Today marks one month since my back surgery. (It’s also the 3-month-a-versary of our wedding. What a summer.)

I’m healing well, physically. My incisions are turning into scars, I’m going to physical therapy twice a week and working on core strengthening, and I’m back to work full-time. And I’m almost completely off pain meds.

I’m pretty wiped out by the end of the day, but generally, each week, I have more energy. I’m in much less pain and taking much less pain medication than before surgery. So things are going well.

Emotionally, it’s been a wacky month.

I’m not sure what to attribute it to: having my insides exposed in an operating room, anesthesia, or having 20+ years of back pain go away. I feel like I’m being given an incredible opportunity to let go of all the pain from the last couple of decades — and not just the physical stuff. All sorts of emotional stuff has been shaken up lately and come to the surface.

I’m a lucky woman.

Because I’m finally in a safe place in my life where things can come up, I can look at them and decide what to discard and let go of.

Being in physical pain is really hard. It affects your emotional life so much. And often makes you (ahem, me), a less than pleasant person. My body isn’t totally sorted out only a month after a major operation, but I know I’m headed in the right direction. While my incisions still hurt and my lower back aches at times (and my hip smarts from the bone graft!), it’s different. The severe pain that just kept getting worse is gone. I’m ready for joy to come in, in its place. That’s a good feeling.

Spinal fusion, here I come

I got a good amount of my “things to do while the kids are away” list done. The baby books didn’t quite get finished (although I did order the photos).

I’ve had a new list lately: things to do before surgery. I’m having spinal fusion on Monday morning.

It’s an odd experience — the countdown to surgery. A list of things I want to do now because I know I won’t be able to for a few weeks afterward. Gardening, henna-ing my hair, school supply shopping, getting the kids’ hair cut, finally getting my “well woman” checkup (only 8 months overdue).

Having a deadline makes things happen in my world.

I’m not entirely sure how I feel about having surgery. I’m hopeful it will make things better. I don’t fancy being sliced open for that to happen, but I’ve tried almost every other option available. The ones I haven’t (such as spinal decompression) just don’t seem worthwhile at this point.

I know I won’t like feeling incapacitated afterward, unable to bend and lift, being super careful getting in and out of a chair, not being able to work at all for at least a week. I checked email on my 5-day honeymoon.

But it is what it is. The world around me will keep revolving. As long as someone feeds the kids, gives them baths and puts them to be relatively on time, we’ll be OK.