I remember standing in morning assembly at school in Barbados — the sermon of the day was the responsibilty to share our gifts and use them wisely. I always wondered what my gifts were and if the world would even want me to make the effort of sharing them.
Because it is an effort.
I got an e-mail today from a friend of my mum’s. She was asking me what I’ve been doing with music lately (I think my mum’s been talking to her about it). Not much, as it turns out, although the last few weeks have seen some more playing. Which is good. Just noodling on songs, trying out some ideas. Nothing ultra-constructive. Not like I’m recording or anything. I gave up on that in complete frustration before the New Year. Maybe not completely giving up — I do have plans to get back to it. Sometime soon. (can you sense the ambivalence?)
But she said that she hears Daydream Song whistling in the trees when she’s out in her garden. That other people should hear these songs.
Do I have a responsibility to share them? Because it is an effort. Standing up in front of other people, trying not to care what they think, hoping my voice (which I still can’t quite get myself to like) holds out. Hoping they don’t see right through me. Not that there’s anything fake there. But maybe that’s it — seeing that part of someone that can create the words and music of a song. Seeing that an rejecting it. It doesn’t always flow that easily.
Is everyone else as neurotic as I am? Anyone? (or only people who paid attention in morning assembly)