There’s something that happens inside me when I get sick with an illness that makes me horribly tired. Some part of my emotional self thinks I’m 17 again and newly stricken with Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrom and Fibromyalgia.
I still remember that April. I thought I was ill with a cold or flu-like thing. I had no energy and couldn’t drag myself out of bed to go to school for a week. But there was a school play I finally had a speaking part in, one I’d fought hard for and had sat through several years of working on set crew, eventually becoming the assistant stage manager (fellow drama nerds will understand). So I got myself to dress rehearsal and the performances, but nothing more.
I remember hearing some of my teachers were mad that I could make it to the play, but not to class. I thought it would all blow over once I was back in school, made up my work and kept up my stunning grades.
Except I couldn’t go back. The symptoms never ended. I was stuck in sick-land, my head foggy, my body aching, unable to stay awake during the day or sleep at night. I appeared to have a perpetual case of some horrific mixture of flu/hangover.
It took a long time to get my life back. Years, really. Years of dragging myself through the days, finding balance for my body and allowing it to heal. I do pretty well for the most part. Few people know I have a chronic illness. Even my husband forgets.
But that inner part of me doesn’t. And when I get sick it comes back out.
As I’ve ached and dragged myself through the last couple of weeks, waiting for my body to shake off the remnants of whatever virus I have, in the back of my mind there’s a voice saying, “What if this isn’t a cold? What if it’s back? What if this is just what life feels like now?”
Day after endless day of not having the energy for ordinary life tasks. Of pain and aching. Swollen lymph nodes in my neck. A foggy brain that can’t think in complete sentences. No motivation to exercise, or to move forward in my life.
Yeah, I can’t deal with that. I think I’m still traumatized from having what I knew as my life taken away from me by illness when I was 17.
That’s how my week has been. Wondering if something is seriously wrong with me again or if I just have a cold. It’s hard to stay balanced when your life has previously been turned upsidedown by seemingly innocuous symptoms. It makes you question yourself and your intuition.
(I had to pick a kid up from an event at this point in writing this post, then was too tired to get back to it the same day).
So, onto the:
It’s a short list this week.
- I finished editing Signs from Spirit. I had to re-write the intro as it didn’t make much sense (re-write = cut out a lot of words). And I made it look pretty (enough) inside. It’s a 20-page free ebook you get for signing up for my mailing list, so I want it to be appealing and feel worthwhile for letting me into your inbox without spending months writing it.
- I set up 1 book ad on Facebook. It was painful. I thought I had a template that would work, then, once I’d edited it, realized it contained way too much text, so I had to start again.
The day after I finally got the ad set up, I checked on it and realized I hadn’t set the right daily spend…it defaults at $20 and was burning through $20/day of my funds. Oops. While I’m willing to spend some money on advertising, it’s not $600/month for one book. So I scaled back to something comfortable.
- I worked on a book promotion plan, getting all my notes and ideas together in one document. It turned into a semi-business plan as well, which I didn’t really mean it to. And then I got overwhelmed.
Next, I need to make a timeline for these book promotion activities and ideas and then get on with it. But it’s a start.
- I scheduled a photo shoot and a get-together with a local photographer/website designer to move forward with updating this website and alightintution.com.
- I emailed local writer friends to reform our weekly writer get-together/write-in/support group. And they replied. And we’re getting together this Tuesday. Yay! 🙂
Goals for the week ahead:
- I need to set up more interviews for Led by Light, book 3. Maybe once I talk to people I know, I can branch out to people I don’t know, who perhaps are also authors. I’d love to get to know successful mediums, intuitives and the like, but am not really sure how to go about doing that, other than by sending them fawning emails about how lovely they are. Haha.
- I want to write some more exercises for my Spirit Circle Games mediumship development circle exercises book. We tried one the week before last that involved smelling each other’s energy, plus I need to come up with an exercise for this week’s circle.
- I want to get my Signs from Spirit ebook up and running. It’s pretty much ready to go. It needs proofreading and saving as a PDF, mostly. I may have one little edit about other potential signs from Spirit — my youngest child kept finding leaves all over the place this morning (in their bed, under their shoe, in the bathroom). When I suggested perhaps it was a sign from a loved one in Spirit, they went to put one of the leaves outside and saw a cat in our yard (we don’t have a cat, but we used to….). They felt it was one of our cats in Spirit, Hobbes, coming to say hello. (And that totally turned the experience around from: Why am I finding these annoying leaves everywhere! to Someone loves me!)
It will also give me a chance to poke around in MailChimp (my enewsletter service provider) and make sure things are integrating properly with my scheduling system, and also to check in on their single opt-in vs double opt-in option and how that will work with my ebook offering and which one I want to use in which circumstances.
- I plan to meet with my friend and give her whatever info she needs from me to move forward with updating my websites.
I have no idea if this blog is helpful or interesting to anyone other than me. If you have any ideas on how to connect with other woo-woo mind-body-spirit authors, feel free to chime in in the comments. Is there any aspect of indie publishing or writing about mediumship and intuition that you’re interested in? Let me know.