Yesterday was our first day alone together, Duncan and I.
Kevin went back to work last Monday while my mum was here for the week. But she went back home on Friday. (And I miss her.) It was great to have her comforting presence here — she having done all this before and remembering what’s normal baby behavior and what I should actually worry about. Score so far: normal=everything, worrying=nothing.
But that was last week.
This week I’m worried that he’s not pooping enough – only twice a day for the last 2 days, though we’ve had lots of pee and little poopy fart marks. That he’s drowing in my milk, it flows out so fast. That he’s getting fussy and I’m going to end up with a colicky baby for the next 3 months who doesn’t sleep at night and cluster feeds all day. Umm…what else?
I also have slight anxiety about his baby acne — quite normal and completel harmless I know — whether I’m cleaning him well enough at diaper changes, when/if/ever his cord is going to fall off, oh, I don’t know, there’s more lurking in there somewhere. It was good to have someone here to allay all those fears.
I guess this is why I have 12 weeks of maternity leave – so we can get used to each other and figure out our news needs and how they work together. I can’t imagine at the moment how I’m going to pick up my responsibilities at church again in a few weeks and go back to work and resume my “normal” social life. It’s all still a bit overwhelming.
And while we need the quiet and time to adapt and adjust without demands, being at home on my own all day is quite isolating also. Even when I’m tired and really need a nap (like right now). I think little D is finally asleep — thank heavens for the vibrating bouncy seat, he wouldn’t go back to sleep for more than 5 minutes all morning — so I’m going to try and get a nap in now.