My horoscope for today tells me to take time for myself to explore and adventure and check out quaint antique shops. My horoscope must think I don’t have a job.

I’ve often noticed that—a complete lack of regard for the daily chores in life, the necessity of giving 8 hours a day to someone else to pay the bills and keep on living. Horoscopes often completely ignore that little itty bitty fact. Perhaps they think people who tend to read their horoscope also tend to be unemployed. I don’t know.

Another inconsistency with reality that I’ve noticed is that lately it keeps telling me to get outside and go for a walk in my neighbourhood. Granted, it applies also to millions of other Aquarians throughout the world, some of whom don’t live in the hood at a latitude that isn’t below freezing for weeks on end. So for some, like the Southern Aquarians, taking a walk around the block might be a good idea. But for me, I feel a little left out. Taking a walk around the block most nights in the last few months (after I get home from work) would mean a meander in the dark from which I may return frostbitten, mugged or shot.

For the most part, though, my horoscope is often very accurate. Sometimes frighteningly so — like the one that told me to be careful what I got into when I started dating Kevin, because (and I quote), “Like a fly on a tree branch, you may be carefully inspecting the beautiful spider web at your feet. You are tempted to step on the beautiful silky strands, yet once you place one foot on the sticky web, you will find yourself tangled there for a long time – maybe forever.”

We just got engaged.