Dream baby

It’s been a challenging week.

Life is…well, it remains interesting and surprising, let’s put it that way. Things seem to be working out differently than I’d imagined and so I have to adjust and adapt. This whole parenting thing is all about adjusting, learning, trying new things and finding what works.

It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever done. And I’ve done some crazy things.

And they’ve always worked out in the end. Sure, there have been rough spots and difficult times and situations I thought might literally kill me. Or at least never end. But they did – end, not do me in. And like that old saying goes, they did make me a stronger person.

Now when I feel moments of fear and panic that I’m just not up to the challenge, I have a magical antidote. I look at Duncan, I hold him and feed him and cuddle him, and I realize what I’ve already accomplished.

Having a child and starting a family is like a miracle for me. It might be the most normal thing in the world, something we’re biologically driven to do. But for me it’s a miracle, an answered prayer, a dream fulfilled. A dream I somehow thought would be impossible for me — not for any concrete reasons, other than having Fibromyalgia and spending too much of my childhood feeling unworthy and unloved. But it’s a dream that’s been realized.

And if this is possible, anything is. If I can do this, I can do anything.