I appreciate that the universe gives me the stuff I need when I need it. I’ve learned to be more careful in my asking and wishing. To focus on the feeling of being where I want to be in my life.
So, where have I been wanting to be?
Well, I’ve wanted to have more time to myself.
I’ve wanted to be able to pick the kids up from school and spend more time with them when we’re not rushing from one thing to the next: home – dinner – homework – bath – books – bed – morning – breakfast – dressing – teeth brushing – getting into the car – going to school – home…
I’ve wanted to be rewarded for my work, ideas, talent and drive without spending more than 8 hours a day at work.
I’ve wanted flexibility in my life.
I’ve wanted a break, without anything breaking.
I’ve wanted to feel freer to be more authentically myself.
What does that have to do with release?
For new, good things to happen in life, you have to let go of something. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But there is always a give and take to the magic of the universe.
For me, in order for the universe to give me the things I’ve wanted and felt myself having, the thing that needed to be “taken” was my job. I found out 6 weeks ago. That wasn’t a very good day.
And yet, in the days leading up to it, in my high-anxiety state, I kept getting messages that the universe was looking out for me. A song would come on the radio just as I began to fret about it, driving to work or to a meeting, telling me that life was good and God had my back.
I knew things were changing – that my responsibilities and work would shift, but I wasn’t expecting it to happen the way it did. We went through a reorganization and my position was eliminated. I felt blindsided and betrayed by my leadership. I felt discarded. Clearly someone hadn’t told the people making the decisions how completely awesome and irreplaceable I am.
There was a lot of crying and snotting all over the place. I went home early. And I hugged my kids and things immediately shifted into perspective.
I conscientiously went through the stages of grief. In fits and spurts, at some point I got to acceptance.
The biggest favor I did for myself was that I didn’t think of it as losing my job, but rather being released from it.
verb. 1 allow or enable to escape from confinement; set free. 2. remove restrictions or obligations, 3. allow to return to its resting position by ceasing to put pressure on it, 4. surrender.
Today, I was released.
I’ve said a lot of goodbyes in my life. I’ve left cities and countries and two marriages behind to move forward in becoming who I truly am. Today I left another place — my work where I have spent so much time and poured so much of my passion and energy. It feels weird, sitting here, to know I won’t have work email to check, that I don’t have to show up on Monday morning.
How many Mondays have I wanted to not have that obligation?
I wonder what my resting position is? How would I be and what would I do if I was not under pressure? I am in the unique position in my life of being able to explore that idea. This is a step I would not have taken on my own. What a blessing.