All kinds of healing

Today marks one month since my back surgery. (It’s also the 3-month-a-versary of our wedding. What a summer.)

I’m healing well, physically. My incisions are turning into scars, I’m going to physical therapy twice a week and working on core strengthening, and I’m back to work full-time. And I’m almost completely off pain meds.

I’m pretty wiped out by the end of the day, but generally, each week, I have more energy. I’m in much less pain and taking much less pain medication than before surgery. So things are going well.

Emotionally, it’s been a wacky month.

I’m not sure what to attribute it to: having my insides exposed in an operating room, anesthesia, or having 20+ years of back pain go away. I feel like I’m being given an incredible opportunity to let go of all the pain from the last couple of decades — and not just the physical stuff. All sorts of emotional stuff has been shaken up lately and come to the surface.

I’m a lucky woman.

Because I’m finally in a safe place in my life where things can come up, I can look at them and decide what to discard and let go of.

Being in physical pain is really hard. It affects your emotional life so much. And often makes you (ahem, me), a less than pleasant person. My body isn’t totally sorted out only a month after a major operation, but I know I’m headed in the right direction. While my incisions still hurt and my lower back aches at times (and my hip smarts from the bone graft!), it’s different. The severe pain that just kept getting worse is gone. I’m ready for joy to come in, in its place. That’s a good feeling.