Things I’ve learned from being tired

  1. Putting in two contact lenses (one on top of the other) doesn’t double your prescription. Instead, it makes everything a little fuzzy for a few seconds, then everything comes into focus as normal.

    How I learned this: I decided to change my contacts this morning, but forgot to take the left one out first. It took a few minutes to figure out why I couldn’t focus properly. My first thought: I’d got a funky lense with a weird prescription, because not only couldn’t I see properly, but it felt really thick. Like double the thickness it ought to be. It was only after I looked down in the sink and saw only one discarded lense stuck to the side of the bowl that I realized the possibility that it might still be in my eye.

  2. Sleeping an extra hour in 8-minute increments really doesn’t make you feel any more rested. The 8-minute increments are often shortened to 2-3 minutes when one of the cats decides he’s going to help me get up by batting my face and purring up my nose constantly.

    How I learned this: almost every morning I hit the snooze almost without waking up, but mornings after a gig (like this morning) are especially hard.

  3. It’s possible to turn off your alarm clock in your sleep.

    How I learned this: fortunately I didn’t discover this amazing fact this morning, but I have woken up late for work (as in after I’m supposed to be there) secure in the knowledge that I set the alarm the night before. I woke up this morning about 3 minutes after my alarm was supposed to (and did indeed) go off — proving that I hit the snooze in my sleep and woke up only afterwards, unaided by the cats as I shut them out of the bedroom last night.

  4. Caffeine is not the elixir of youth and energy. Drinking 4 cups of coffee doesn’t help any more than a cup of tea. Unless you consider uncontrollable shaking a sign of being energized. Chocolate, however, is.

    How I learned this: Obviously, I drank lots of coffee in a vain attempt to make up for sleep. Didn’t work. Sticking with the tea today. And chocolate.